Good grief ….. are they knocking again already??? I’ve given them directions today at least 50 times …….

Knock knock knock – Ruby? Knock knock knock knock ….. RUBY???? It’s me. Are you in there? It’s around 5 or so, and I told you I’d be by your tree around 5 or so. Is it OK to fly in now, or would you like me to fly in a little later?

Oh … Hi King. I thought it was the kids again. Could you give me about two hours? The dreadful heat today and all the local children coming by and knocking on my limb to ask directions to the beach has given me an awful crown-ache, and I’d like to take a quick bird bath and freshen up a bit first if that’s OK with you.

King? Are you still out there on a limb for me? If so, could you please fly in and give me a hand with the snap on the back of this new cocktail dress I ordered for this special occasion?

Wowwwww….. I sure hope I’ll grow up to have a gal like that Ruby gal who orders such beautiful cocktail dresses for….. I don’t know what for but I ….

No ma’am – I’m not just day dreaming again and doing nothing again, and yes yes yes….. I’m am still working the camouflage technique after the swoop like you said I should….

You’re still looking VERY good from here, and that’s just not good enough! Try to fit in better with all of your surroundings after the swoop like I’ve shown you before…. like this, and if you have caught no bugs by yourself by 8 p.m., then you will just have to go to bed bug-less tonight, I guess….. I can’t keep giving in and bringing you bugs…..

Hey there! You like this fence too??? Listen, friend – please don’t tell them I flew from this fence today to hang in those those blueberry bushes behind you that the red bird is flying into now to watch that freak show going on in there – you know, the one with the cat who has wings and can sing like a bird….

Don’t worry……I won’t…… I cannot see anything…. I can’t even see you….. I cannot see the blue bushes behind me…. I cannot see the red bird ….. I do not think I eat blueberries……. I do not know my reds and blues yet …. I am so confused…. I was told to sit with the fence….. I am so hungry…. I am so scared……

poor damn kid….. it’s a shame to have to be so little and to have to learn all those blues and reds while having to sit with the fence

Is that a big bird with a big red head who just showed up below me? My parents said a big bird with a big red head might show up below me to practice on a bird cage and that I should not imitate you or be scared of you or scared of bird cage below me….

Yes I am a big bird with a big red head on bird cage who showed up below you to practice. Do you know why bungee cords aren’t everywhere for clinging?

All I know is I am so hungry and so scared and I think something just showed up behind me and I don’t know my blues from my reds and I am so scared

You think you’re scared!! My dad told me I had to go work with him on the roof today where there are no bungee cords at ALL for clinging to! Don’t be scared that was just your big sister, and she just flew off

Thank God for big sisters. I think I hear your dad banging on the roof, and I think I hear my dad asking that blue bird again if he will give me more lessons today…

Thanks for showing up to help. We think our youngest boy had enough purple and house finch lessons and won’t need anymore goldfinch lessons, but he is having a hard time learning his reds and understanding why blue has nothing to do with finch life. My wife sends her apologies to you all again for our boy begging for food from your wife yesterday. We hope she was able to eat in peace some today without Junior there with his mouth wide open again…. poor boy, I guess he’ll eventually learn…

Son, you’re beginning to worry us some. We didn’t tell you to so sit with the fence. We told you to sit with the finch. And Mrs. Indy – the small bluish bird about the size of your mom….. the one you’ve been begging from lately?? She is not a finch mother who might put food in your mouth if you just stand there long enough and keep it open long enough….

What are you trying to find looking down? If it’s what I think it is ….don’t worry about that horrible snake event you witnessed last week or that lady you always see …. you know – the one who stands on two legs and doesn’t fly?? She was not standing in the middle of azaleas shaking those limbs and beating the bush with the rake in an attempt to hurt any birds. We have told you and told you – she was trying to make that snake in those bushes come out so she could put another snake in that garbage can that carries snakes away. We don’t know why she won’t use the hoe on their head …..

There ya’ go…… it’s just like those things we used to bring home and stuff in that big gaping mouth of yours you used to have open 24/7 wanting another meal stuffed in it except now you have to pick it up yourself and put that special twist into it – the one your sister learned last week and keeps singing….. C’mon on every birdy! Clap your hands! All ya looking good! I’m gonna sing my song! It won’t take long! We’re gonna do the twist and it goes like this!

Is there a bungee cord I’m supposed to be clinging to on this thing while I twist?

Way to go, BABY BROTHER!

Mister GoldFunkel, that is IT! I’ve had it with your insults about my weighty plumage every time I come in for a landing. It’s bad enough I have to negotiate this flippin’ thing to get a good meal, but to keep hearing your insults every time I get here???? How ’bout I tell the Missy Goldfunkel where I saw you having breakfast this morning, making a total finch out of yourself again with that new gold on the block, or would YOU like to tell her while I perch here with the two of you and correct your memory you’re always bragging about that I bet you’ve suddenly lost.

But darlin’…. please come back! That so-called red bird friend of yours that you just flew off with who always makes our meals together seem so one-sided when she shows up is NOT telling the truth!!! I was NOT having breakfast – I didn’t even SEE the new gold in there! I was just hanging out in those yellow flowers I told you about – you know, the ones I told you about last week …. the ones I wanted us to have lunch together in some day…..???? I was just watching them bloom!

Really? I bet if you try to make me drop off this bad squirrel proof feeder that all your friends just flew from, I’m going to tell her next time I see her that I’ve got a camera now and have proof of the whole thing… all of it….

Blondes. I guess it’s true – they’ll believe anything.

HONEY??!!! I’m over HERE!!! I SAW THAT BOX LAST WEEK!!! My voice is about shot!

This is the one I want….. would you PAH-LEEEZE start bringing the nesting material to THIS box that I have chosen for us this time before one of my friends beats me to it….

Good GRIEF!  I have seen it already!    There are so many flowers outside that box and the view is so…so…. so colorful and flowery and….. I know you love flowers and want our children to learn all about them as soon as they open their eyes, but this box over here …. it’s our FAVORITE – or USED TO BE!

I see it….. I can see just fine…. you don’t have to stand up there and watch me work again….. why don’t you go do something…. like…. like fly off to the local store and get me some Ray-Ban polarized sunglasses.

WHAT???? Am I doing what again??? No sir! No Ma’am! I’m not doing that again, not at all…… I was just…. You want me to stand where. OK…

OK…. can you see me now??? I don’t know why I’m so wet. No sir, no – I haven’t been at this beach all day. I just got here.  What about the peanuts???

I thought you said the peanuts I was supposed to be learning how to shell would have hard shells all around them, you know….. shells? Like seashells by the sea shore? That is the ONLY reason I am at the beach you told me to quit coming to last week! I’m coming!! Let me look one more time for the shell!